One day, you'll look to see Ive gone....

THE END IS NEIGH!  This keeps playing in my head like a doomsday preacher on a busy street corner.  Everything I do is marked with a tinge of sadness.  I hate the process of moving and now that my house looks like a tornado whipped through it, it has become all too real that this life is over.  I believe that, like cats, we too have nine lives.  As life number four draws to a close for me, it is much harder to move on than I originally anticipated.  Its not because I lived here, but because I lived here.  I wasn't on vacation, or temporary duty, but I actually built a life here.  I have a routine, I have my favorite little pubs, my hairdresser, my markets and restaurants and so on.  I fell in love here, had my heart broken and have broken hearts here.  There have been really great days here, the type of days that live in your memory and pop up just when you need them.  There have been days when I didn't want to spend another second here away from those who love me, only to find out that I have "people" here too.

As I start taking apart the life I've built here, people keep asking me if I am excited to go home.  I am in some respects, but mostly right now I'm just sad.  Sad that this life is ending, sad that I didn't get to do more, sad for the things and the people I will leave behind.  But I have to balance this sadness when I talk to my friends at home because they are so excited for me to return.  I'm not entirely sure that I could ever explain to them why I don't want to leave here in a way they could completely understand.  I'm sure they have changed since I left.  I know for a fact that I have changed.  I do not feel like the same person who arrived here three years ago, and in may ways I don't even know her anymore.  When I look back, it is as if I am looking at a stranger.  She was excited for the adventure and potential of the exotic.  Where as I am not looking forward to... anything.  There is nothing new, or exotic, or exciting about going back.  I fear that one day I will wake up and be unable to remember if this actually happened or if it was all just a dream.

 

¿Dónde está mi hogar? Où est ma maison?

Home.  The concept is not foreign or unusual in any way.  Some people say its wherever you lay your head, some say its where your heart is, some say it doesn't exist.  However, my definition of home has evolved over the course of my life.  When I was small, "home" meant the physical structure in which I lived with my family.  It was where I kept my toys, where we had our evening meals, where I played with my friends down the street, where my grandparents read story books to me and where Santa came to visit after we returned from Midnight Mass.  As in the game of baseball, my parent's house is known as "home base" and with good reason.  No matter how far away or how long we are gone, we are all welcome back.  I have not lived there in many years but it still feels like home.

I have family scattered across the country.  One cousin in particular has a house that has always felt like an extended version of my parent's home.  I dont have an assigned room there, sometimes even sleeping on the couch in the basement.  But this place was (and still is) a second home to me.  Perhaps it is the warmth of the family who occupies it that makes a place "home".  If that is the case then I understand why this house qualifies as a home.

Several years ago I purchased my own home.  This was my first home that was just mine.  I shared it with my grandmother for a while and her marks still remain in the wear patterns on the carpets where she shuffled her feet to the dents in the walls where she scraped her walker.  When she passed, the silence was deafening.  But slowly, I made it a place where friends gathered and all were welcome.  Where the TV was always available cookie dough and pizzas were always stocked in the freezer and the oven always pre-heated (even if the meal was still frozen...).  It was my sanctuary.  I could close the door on the outside world and binge watch my favorite movies back to back, play video games for hours or read un-interrupted or I could throw open the doors and fill the house with food and laughter.  It was my own little castle.

But now, home is a little more difficult to define.  I recently traveled and the question came up "Where are you from?" or "Where is home?"  To each question, there are several answers and I found myself having to pause to answer a question to which the answer once came easily.  If you want to know where I am originally from then the answer is Texas.  If you want to know where I recently came from the answer is Canberra. As I grow and my world expands the answer becomes less clear. I cant imagine other ex-pats' answers to this question.  Its something Ive been thinking about for the last week.

As I begin the wind down on my tour here, I am starting to feel the profound sense of loss that I felt when I moved out of my parents house or moved out of my own house to come here.  To me, that means that some part of me has made this place "home" whether consciously or subconsciously.  People ask me what the next step is and the truth is - I dont know.  What I do know is that now, I have yet another home.
  

Sun, surf, sand and sadness.

As is the custom, my best mates came to visit me this year.  We had hoped that being a year older now, their little one would enjoy some of our activities more this year than last.  We were wrong.  We jumped in the car and headed back to the beach with new beach toys in hand.  She was perfectly content to watch all of us make sand castles but once she was asked to dip her toe in the sand she went nuts.

The Moores

How long do I have to be here?  Dont get my toys dirty.

The sand castle I built...

Im taking a picture of you taking a picture of me.  Say CHEESE

UGH! Seriously, can we LEAVE already? 

The sandcastle Julius and I built.

 We finally decided to put the baby out of her misery and go home.  The next day it looked like it was going to rain all day so we went to Birdland Animal Park.  If you are in or around Batemans Bay, I highly recommend this park.  It looks a bit run down when you first walk in but the animals are well cared for and you can see a sample of all Australian wildlife there.  The baby liked the little play ground at the back the best.

Now this is more like it!

 The park also does animal encounters.  Unlike other parks or zoos, these encounters are part of the admission price and not extra.  We made sure to be there at 2:30 for the snakes (per Julius' request) and the Wombats (MY request).  They let you pat them or in the case of the snake hold them.  As you might imagine, I was not interested in the snake AT ALL.

Then this happened.

 Then, because the groups are generally small, they let us all pat the wombat.  They were called Willow and Gabe.  They were SO SOFT!!!

Well, its not a kitty but....

Im still not too sure about this...

 Once that was done, we continued walking around and the baby photobombed the kangaroos.  Then the cockatoos who taught her "HELLO" sqwacked and scared the daylights out of her.  As usual, the grown ups had more fun than the kids on this trip.

2014 year in review

Wow.  Two years have FLOWN by.  It seems that just yesterday I was telling you all about my first year in Australia.  Year two managed to turn up the activity even more.

We kicked off the year with a visit from my BFF Gina, her hubby Julius, and their baby LA.  This was the first time I met LA and we hit it off immediately. While they were here, we took surf lessons!!  I was so excited to finally get to the beach and learn how to surf.  Im totally rubbish at it but I do love it.

Then, I got my travel on.  I was off to Darwin for work in March where I was able to meet some of my contacts in person.  I also got to meet some of the locals.  They were not as friendly.  This is the "nursery"...

Once July came along, I was able to head to the land of the long white cloud. Being winter in the Southern Hemisphere, it is not the most optimal time to travel but when you are going where you are told you dont get to decide the time frame.  First up I went to Wellington, New Zealand.

August was my first of two trips to Cairns.  It was good to do some recon work before I took my family back in November

Went out to the Great Barrier Reef but because I couldnt really snorkel or dive because I wear glasses, it was more scenic than anything else.

 I was on the Dragon Boat team this year.  It was so much fun!!  We came in second in the B final so not too shabby I think.

 I went to the King's Day celebration at the Kingdom of the Netherlands High Commission.  Getting to experience all sorts of culture on this adventure.

Back to New Zealand for my birthday.  I think I might love the South Island even more than the North!!

It was home for Christmas this year.  I needed to refuel on Mexican food and Whataburger.  Only one year to go and it seems to be flying by already!